Dairy-Free (and Soy-free, and Vegan, and sooooo EASY) Macaroni and Cheese

There’s pretentious food, and experimental food, and food you make to show off…but Macaroni and Cheese is none of these.  I think I’d call it nostalgic, comforting face-stuffing food.  You know what I’m talking about–food that takes you back, makes you feel young and low-maintenance again.  Like peanut butter and jelly, for instance.  Hot dogs and chips.  A pile of pierogies (okay…maybe that one has less universal appeal).  Yes, Macaroni and Cheese takes its place among all these most American (minus the pierogies) of food icons.  Unfortunately, vegans and lactards and all manner of non-cheese-eaters are frequently left with poor substitutes.  Damn shame.

What happens to a person who is denied the comfort foods of his or her youth? Sure, for a while you scrape by…but is it ever possible to truly leave them behind?  I’m not so sure that’s a good idea–it’s important to be able to reclaim these pieces of yourself, of your history, for those moments when you need them.  Yesterday was one of those nights.  After working until 9 PM, I wanted a shower, a manicure, some food, a tall beer, a therapy session, a massage, a helicopter ride over some volcanos, a bigger backyard, a personal assistant to call my family for me, a new wardrobe, shoes that didn’t hurt, some orphans like Angelina’s, and why the f*#% not, I wanted a pony, too.  But I was willing to settle for food.  It was a “blue box” moment if I’d ever seen one.  I frantically began slapping together food, much to the dismay of the Boy, who felt that my nonsensical ranting was probably incompatible with boiling water and santoku knives.  He promptly steered me to the shower, and  ten minutes later, I emerged ready to handle big girl tools again.

This recipe is eeeaasy, and cheap.  Fact is, most dairy-free mac and cheese recipes tell you to make your own cheese using cashews and agar flakes and do all other manner of ridiculous things that are better left for days when dinner can be an all-day effort.  Still other recipes instruct you to use a storebought soy cheese that’s packed full of preservatives, soy, and even milk-based products.  Um, okay, this is not one of those recipes.  If you can boil water, you can do this.  And I’m not saying that to make you feel better about your cooking skills, like a lot of food people do….I really mean it.  You’re welcome.

Thank God we develop irrational attachments to our food.  Now I don’t have to go to therapy, take a helicopter trip, adopt orphans, or find a pony.  Sometimes, even if you’re a foodie, it can be as simple as opening an imaginary blue box, boiling water, and popping the tab on a PBR tall boy.  How refreshing!

Dairy-Free Macaroni and Cheese

Ingredients:
1/2 cup flour
1 cup nutritional yeast
3/4-1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1/4 tsp. onion powder (not onion salt)
1/4 tsp. garlic powder (not garlic salt)
2 1/2 cups rice milk (or other non-dairy milk)
3 Tablespoons vegan butter spread, such as Earth Balance (EB has soy in it–if you’re soy-sensitive, use olive oil instead)
12 oz. pasta (you can use a whole pound, but it’ll be less “saucy”)

Directions:
Cook your pasta in salted water until it’s al dente, then drain. In your large pasta pot, whisk together all remaining ingredients (told you this would be easy). Turn the heat onto medium and whisk constantly to keep things smooth. When you have a thick sauce, toss the pasta back in, and use a large wooden spoon to fold it all together. When the pasta’s thoroughly coated and the sauce is the as thick as you like it, take the pot off the heat, and you’re done! Makes 4 to 6 servings. I recommend sauteed Southern greens and a PBR tall boy as an accompaniment, but feel free to experiment with your favorite mix-ins.