God, the Swedish Chef can be the biggest pain sometimes. For example, the other day I was riding the subway and he happened to get on next to me, and he would NOT stop nagging me to make meatballs! In Swedish!
If I don’t want the litigious ghost of Jim Henson getting all spooky on my as, I’d best explain. The Boy was the Swedish Chef for Halloween. And we rode the New York City subway together. In costume.
We have fun, The Boy and I.
Needless to say, it’s been a while since Halloween. You can imagine, then, what it must have been like for Bad Mama Genny to have a Swedish Meatball craving since then! Truly excruciating. Anyhow, the Swedish Chef just wouldn’t give in–
“Spernda…schweedish meatbalshe…spernda spunda…bork bork BORK!”
–so I finally relented and Holy Meatballs, The Boy, what a great idea! You can bork bork BORK me anytime!
Yeah, I said it.
Ultimate Swedish Meatballs with Sour Cream and Mushroom Sauce
Makes about 6 servings
1 lb. ground beef (Grass-fed, but of course! Why not grind your own for the most flavorful blend?)
2 thick slices sourdough bread
3 1/2 cups unflavored almond milk, divided
8 oz. plain whole milk yogurt (if you can tolerate it) or soy sour cream like Tofutti (if you can’t)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt, divided
4 Tablespoons, divided, of butter (if you can tolerate it) or Earth Balance (if you can’t)
2 small onions, finely chopped, divided
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. allspice
3/4 tsp. black pepper, divided
1 Tablespoon dried parsley
3 Tablespoons flour
12 ounces fresh mushrooms, washed and sliced
1 Tablespoon cornstarch (optional)
1 lb. egg noodles
Preheat the oven to 400F degrees. Set the bread in a shallow bowl and pour 1/2 cup of the almond milk over it. Allow it to sit and saturate for 5 minutes or so. In a food processor, combine the meat, bread and milk mixture, half the chopped onions, the egg, nutmeg, allspice, 1/2 teaspoon black pepper, and 1 teaspoon of the salt. Allow the mixture to process for two minutes. When this is done, you should have a thick, pate-like paste. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and dip your hands in cold water. Form small balls with the meat mixture, about an inch in diameter, re-dipping your hands in the cold water as necessary to keep the meat from sticking. Bake the meatballs for approximately 25 minutes, or just until done (do not let the bottoms get dark).
While the meatballs are cooking, heat 1 Tablespoon of the butter in a Dutch oven over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and the other half of the onions. Allow to cook, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms render most of their liquid and the onions are tender. Add the remaining 3 Tablespoons of butter and heat until melted. Stir in the flour, being sure to break up any lumps. Stir constantly, allowing the flour-y mixture to cook for about 3 minutes (do not let it get dark). When this is done, slowly add the remaining 3 cups of almond milk, stirring while you add so as to avoid lumps.
Stir constantly until the mixture has thickened some, and then add 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, and the dried parsley. Stir in the yogurt or soy sour cream. Taste and adjust seasonings if necessary. When the sauce is almost as thick as you like it, gently drop the meatballs in, pushing them under the surface of the sauce. At this point, cook the egg noodles according to package directions. Allow the sauce mixture to simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the meatballs are heated through and the thickness is where you like it. Sometimes non-dairy milk can be a bitch to thicken–if this is the case for you, and heating the sauce uncovered doesn’t seem to be getting the mixture thick enough, whisk 1 Tablespoon cornstarch with 2 Tablespoons COLD water. Then add it to the sauce while stirring. Cook it for a few minutes longer–it should do the trick.
Serve on top of pasta. Bork bork bork!