Scenes from Bad Mama Genny’s Kitchen, or, Happy Morning Time With Pear in the Morning

Ah, the holidays.  I’m going to go out on a limb and conjecture that many of you misfits have abandoned personal culinary pursuits for the remainder of the year and the beginning of this one, hoping to recover your strength and your zest for life after an endless barrage of relatives, cookies, and stuff have robbed it from you.  It’s enough to make a misfit wanna fa la la la barf.  So let’s keep tonight low-key, shall we?

I think that every kitchen contains an endless number of microcosms, that you can probably tell what’s on a cook’s mind by just having a peek around.  I pondered this as I looked around my own little kitchen, amazed at all the cool things that were going on in my kitchen/mind…like this, for example.

This is our humble fruit bowl setup.   To the naked eye, it looks pretty average.  But ho, what are those…things…lurking amidst the tomatoes and the grapefruit?  Let’s have a closer look, shall we?

They’re Larabars!  See–nothing unwholesome in OUR fruit bowl!!  What’s that, you say?  Small glass bottles?  Pay no mind to those, my friends!  Merely shots of Captain Morgan!  Because sometimes eating fruit is hard.  Sometimes you need to put a lil’ Captain in you.  Don’t you judge me.

And this is an adorable “Pear” container that I bought from a 99 cent store here in New York.  Cute, right?  At least cuter than the unrecognizable sludge inside of it.  Hey, Bad Mama Genny, what is that sludge, anyway?  Well, misfits, I’m glad you asked!

It’s a large colony of wildyeast!  Or, in kinder, gentler terms, sourdough starter.  Why not make your own?  If our New York City air is capable of sustaining enough healthy life to make vibrant sourdough starter, then I wouldn’t worry about yours.  Try giving it a good old hearty sniff.  If it makes you feel a little dizzy and turns your stomach a bit, you just know it’s gonna be delicious!

Bonus points if you actually taste some, and gag a little!  …  !!!

But there’s something else about this starter that spells greatness.  Let’s have a closer look at the container…

Kick ass!  It’s Japanese voodoo!!

For those of you who can’t read the photo so well, it says, “You will wisely refresh yourself with a pear/ When you are tired or in low spirits.”  How cool is that?!  Is it a command?  A prediction?  Gosh, it could even be a threat!  “Refresh yourself with a pear”…or else!   How exciting!  But wait–there’s more!

This one reads, “Happy morning time with pear in the morning.”

Hey, in case you didn’t catch this, your happy morning time with pear should come in the morning.  But you know, this one makes me think a little more than the first one.  After all, what makes this pear time in the morning so…happy?  What happens with pear in the morning?  Do the implied audience and pear share special morning moments?  Gosh, I really want a pear for special morning moments right now!