Archive for the ‘Crab’ Category

Oh, yes, I am easy, and delicious, and you want me!  That’s the crostini talking, not me.  Cough cough.

Excerpt from an email I sent my girls a week before Valentine’s Day:

So, have you guys ever looked at the MarthaStewart.com Valentine’s crafts and bouquet ideas?  They are sooo cute, and feminine, and adorable, but what man would want to receive any of that, and furthermore, do you know any straight men who peruse MarthaStewart.com looking for ideas on crafts to make for their wives and girlfriends?  It’s all so ridiculous.  Not that The Boy isn’t fantastic and all, but I seriously doubt I’ll be getting handmade glycerin soaps with “I Love You, Genevieve” etched on them.  Even though it would complete me if I did get those soaps.  I digress.

So anyway, it made me think that so much of Valentine’s Day is just girls enjoying being girls, and indulging in red and pink and lace and those tiny Hello Kitty valentine cards and stuff, and I kinda miss enjoying those things.  Would you guys be interested in maybe getting together, just the girls, sometime before Valentine’s to indulge in the silliness?

And indulge we did!  I hosted the little shindig, which turned into a seven hour binge-drinking heart-fest.  I provided everyone’s favorite pink Champagne, “Bitch,” and those luscious-looking crab and avocado crostini.  Other girls brought delicious chili, mouthwatering cherry-almond cupcakes, cookie dough truffles, and crayons and construction paper (you know…for making each other Valentines).  The silliness was unbelievable, the food was fantastic, love was in the air, and the champagne was flowing!

Seriously.  Our ratio was 1.35 bottles of champagne per girl.

One of my gf’s, getting her champagne cocktail on.  Those are frozen cranberries floating in the Bitch.  Haha.  I just said “floating in the Bitch.”  That’s a first.  Not.

We also held a bouquet exchange: we each brought a single kind of flower and then arranged a bouquet for each girl to take home:

And of course, what girly event would be complete without mani/pedis?  I sent each girl home with a set of mani/pedi tools:

The perspective on this photo is weird.  I tried rotating it and it didn’t stick.  Whatever, you’ll look at it and you’ll like it.

A fantastic time was had by all, a pasta-making party was scheduled, and we all left having gotten the pent-up estrogen out of our systems.  Not that the Boy doesn’t satisfy my craving for gossip, it’s just that…

the Boy doesn’t satisfy my craving for gossip.

Crab and Avocado Crostini

12 ounces chunk crab meat (surimi will work)
4 green onions
1/4 cup mayonnaise
juice of 1 1/2 lemons
salt and pepper
1 baguette
1 avocado

Put the crab chunks into a bowl, breaking them up into flakes if the pieces are pretty large and throwing your voice to make it sound like there’s screaming coming from the bowl.  Thinly slice the green onions on top, and mix in the mayonnaise, lemon juice, salt, and pepper.  I kept the mayo to a minimum because I didn’t want this to be creamy–just rich enough to hold together, with the crab as the real center of attention.  You can add a bit more if you like.  Just don’t tell me or I’ll be disappointed in you.  At this point, you can either refrigerate the crab mixture if you’re making it in advance, or move on to the next step.

Preheat your oven to 375F (or use your broiler setting CAREFULLY–these things burn in a flash).  Thinly slice the baguette into diagonal pieces, taking care to keep the slices around the same size and thickness for even toasting.  Place them on a cookie sheet and slip them into the oven.  Toast until the first side is evenly brown and crisp, and then remove the pan from the oven, flip the crostini over, and slip them back in until the other side is crisp and golden, too.

Now once your crostini have cooled off, arrange them on a serving platter.  Slice your avocado very thinly, so that the slices can be draped prettily and flexibly over the finished crostini.  See the photo if you’re not sure what I mean.  Now carefully (try using two spoons, like I did), heap little mountains of crab filling onto the crostini until they look generous and fragile.  (You knew you were going to get messy eating these, right?).  Lay two pieces of avocado on top of each, criss-crossing them for effect.  Et voila!  Crab and Avocado Crostini!  You saucy minx, you!

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Christmastime always makes your BMG think of Chinese food.

Now I know what you’re thinking–wow, her family probably never cooked; they probably ordered in Chinese for the holiday, what abuse, what misery, poor Bad Mama Genny!

Au contraire, my sweet misfit poppets, au contraire.

You see, I came from a family that dedicated itself to crafting the perfect holiday. Thanksgiving with 15 sides (3 different kinds of jello, but of course), Christmas with a family-style spread that required an extra 8-foot folding table to accommodate the selection, and a traditional Polish Christmas Eve Wigilia meal the night before–for a grand fucking whopping total of FIVE PEOPLE OH MY GOD WHY ARE WE WORKING SO HARD MY FINGERS ARE BLEEDING INTO THE FIGGY PUDDING OH THE HUMANITY.  So where does the Chinese food fit in?

Well, somewhere between my mother’s 3 AM panic attack over getting the house clean enough, my brother’s emotional breakdown at the tear we’d managed to rip in the universe which sent all the world’s dirty dishes to his sink, and my impromptu nap at the kitchen table, vegetable peeler still in hand, five pounds of potatoes down, only three more to go…well, irony of fucking ironies, we all got hungry. My aunt would pull out the Chinese takeout menu, and forty bucks later, we were a united front once again, happily chowing down on Moo Goo something-or-other and wondering how the hell we had ended up in this gelatinous, technicolored, gumdrop-studded, whirling, twirling gingerbread house of horrors. That, my friends, is why, as I was decking my halls and ho-ho-ho-ing my way through my cookie list, I was hit by an overwhelming–NAY–insatiable desire for Crab Rangoon. Enter today’s recipe.

I recommend eating these with the Christmas lights on, “Jingle Bells” playing in the background, and a sobbing family memb–but wait; that’s my house, not yours.

So indulge your mother’s compulsive need to include the three primary jello colors. Peel potatoes ’til you pass out (fine, so there MAY have been some gin involved, I can’t really say…).  Embrace the dog when she eats the blinking angel tree-topper (she looks kinda cute with her tummy periodically lighting up like that). The love will get you through. If not, well, there’s always that gin.

Crab Rangoon
Makes 48

Go Get:
1 package (48 count) wonton wrappers
1 8 oz. package cream cheese
6 oz. flaked crabmeat
2 green onions, minced
1 large clove garlic, minced
1 tsp. each tamari or soy sauce, and Worcestershire sauce
approx. 1/4 cup cooking oil (I used grapeseed)

Go Do:
Preheat the oven to 425F degrees. In a medium bowl, combine all ingredients except for the wonton wrappers and the cooking oil.

Lay out a won ton wrapper with one of the points facing you.  Place a teaspoon of filling in the center of the wrapper, and spread it out to make a horizontal, log-like shape.  Resist the urge to overfill, as this will cause them to burst while cooking.

Using your finger, moisten the edges of the wonton with water, and fold the bottom half to the top, pressing all the edges to seal.

Repeat with the remaining wrappers.  Place the finished rangoon onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and, using a pastry brush dipped into the oil, lightly brush both sides of all the rangoon.

Put the rangoon into the oven and bake for approximately 15 minutes, or until both sides are pleasantly browned, flipping once halfway through cooking.  Allow them to cool for a few minutes before biting into them.  Serve with your favorite dipping sauces and sides.


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