Posts Tagged ‘sauce’

Before I launch into today’s post, I want to remind you to visit Monday’s post if you haven’t already and enter to win my giveaway!

All y’alls remember my bitchin’ strawberry rhubarb pie recipe, right?  The one that came with a similarly righteous pate brisee/pie crust recipe?  You know, where I talked all about my crippling paranoia.  Oh, nooooow you remember.   Well, misfits, I recently made it again and it remains the best strawberry rhubarb recipe your Bad Mama Genny has tried since then.

I left the burning juices on the cookie sheet in the photo above to demonstrate my humanity. Also, to remind you that that stuff will be on the bottom of your oven FOR ALL ETERNITY if you don't slip a cookie sheet under your pie. So slip a cookie sheet under your pie.

Okay, so it’s the only recipe I’ve tried since then.  Whatever, we play by different logic around here.

So I made this pie and it was wonderful but then I got OH HOLY more rhurbarb and more strawberries in this week’s CSA box.  And I didn’t want to make another pie.

Well, okay, so your Bad Mama Genny DID want to make another pie, but felt that she should abstain.  For the sake of her waistline.  Which will be greatly exposed this summer.  And does not benefit from the copious ingestion of pate brisee.  Go figure.

So I decided instead to make a strawberry rhubarb sauce–one that’s sweetened naturally, just a little, and without that uncomfortable blood sugar spike of sugar sugar SUGAR SUGGARRR SUUGGAAAAHH!

This version will not kick your ass.  At least, not very much.  It’s more like an ass bump.  Which, if you think about it, sounds pretty damn pleasant.

Ass bumps: try them today!

But there’s a story that goes along with this one.  A heartwarming tale of redemption, second chances, and dreams that just wouldn’t die.  Actually, my story is nothing like that.  But it’s still pretty good and I’m gonna make you listen.  Ignore that “X” in the box at the top right of the screen.  It is merely an illusion.  By the magic of My Bad Self you have been rendered unable to navigate from this page.  Just one of the perks of being me, I guess.

So I’m at my family’s house for a visit with all the ingredients for this sauce in tow, and I go, hey, don’t I remember reading on Farmgirl Susan’s blog about how turtles love strawberries and in some parts of the country will even crawl into your strawberry patch to have a little nom-fest?  And wasn’t there a precious photo of a baby turtle in the strawberry patch to boot?

Oh, yes.  Yes, there was. 

And then I got to thinking, well that’s just the preciousest thing I’ve ever seen and isn’t it sad that I don’t have a turtle to test that on.

Oh, wait.  I totally do.  Her name is Shelly.  And she lives in my family’s living room.

So I went into the living room to harass  horrify delight Shelly with my presence, lifted her out of her cage, and brought her into the kitchen for a lil’ experiment.

Here's Shelly all self-conscious, pretending to be all, "Oh, I care nothing for this strawberry feast you've set before me."

And here she is all of ten seconds later, eating her strawberries with ferocity while I'm all, "Yeah, guess who wants my berries NOW, hmm?" Taunting turtles. It's the American way.

Moral of the story?  Turtles like strawberries and you probably do, too, so make this sauce.  Some of you might want to serve it over ice cream or waffles.  To you, I say, holy crap that is a fucking fantastic idea.  Others will do as I do, and drizzle it all over their bodies and then wait for their own The Boy to come ho–I MEAN–eat it straight like applesauce, or enjoy it alongside some thick yogurt.  Wholesome things.  Like that.

All-Natural, No Refined Sugar Strawberry Rhubarb Sauce

1/2 cup water
1/4 to 1/3 cup maple syrup (Agave would work well, too, as would honey.  If you’re going to use cane sugar, bump up the amount to about 1/2 cup.)
2 T cornstarch
2 T lemon juice
dash salt
1 bunch rhubarb, sliced (about 4 cups)
1 quart strawberries (mine were little so I left them whole)

Combine the water, maple syrup, lemon juice, salt, rhubarb, and strawberries in a saucepot and turn the heat to medium-high.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until the rhubarb is soft, about 5-7 minutes.  Mix the cornstarch with 3 Tablespoons cold water and stir in, cooking for an additional 3 minutes, or until thickened.  Remove from heat and let cool–keeps in an airtight container for about a week, longer if you’re feeling like a daring misfit.  And I know you are.

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Hola, tasty, tasty misfits!

I would love to excuse my brief shall-we-say hiccup in updating with a clever bullshit-laden post about how absence makes us appreciate what we have.  I would tell you that it heightens every sense, that it enchances our enjoyment of food, relationships, blah-blah-blah.  But quite honestly, your Bad Mama Genny was in her beautiful hometown of Chicago for two weeks for the holiday and oh!  The enjoyment!

In other news, congratulations to Peter of FotoCuisine for winning my panko challenge with his recipe, New Mexico Chile Three Cheese Mac and Cheese!  As promised, I’ll be sending Peter a free bag of panko as his prize.  ‘Cause I be keepin’ my bitchin’ promises.

But on another note, I’d like to talk to you about a serious problem, namely the lack of a readily-available, all-natural chocolate syrup.  Because when you’re drizzling stuff on bodies, you wanna know what’s in it, right?  Of course, your BMG would never leave you high and dry–she’d prefer to keep you wet and sticky AND corn syrup free, ladh-di-freaking-dah, my babies!

So here’s my recipe for Homemade, All-Natural Chocolate Syrup.  I tweaked my version from one I found on RecipeZaar (this be it)  to indicate the quality of ingredients, make it darker, and expand on the vague directions.  No HFCS, less sugar, and not very much time at all, so you can be basting yourself and all your friends and acquaintances in practically no time!

Basting friends and acquaintances.  It’s what I do best.

This recipe is very dark, thick, and rich, and should you be bored with basting people, lends itself so well to ice cream, chocolate milk, peanut butter…the list goes on.  I used vanilla extract in this recipe, but I could see trying it with mint, raspberry, orange, or even with a little espresso powder stirred in.  Or pour some into a little jar, smack a ribbon on that, and give it away, give it away, give it away now.

All-Natural Chocolate Syrup

Go Get:
1 cup 100% cocoa powder
1 cup raw cane sugar (this yields a darker syrup-add more if you prefer a sweeter chocolate)
1 dash high quality salt (think Celtic or Himalayan)
1 1/2 cups water
1 teaspoon Bourbon Vanilla Extract

Go Do:
Put all ingredients into a heavy-bottomed saucepan. Whisk everything together until well combined. Turn the heat to medium, whisking constantly. When it begins to boil, watch it carefully, continuing to whisk constantly and quickly, being sure not to let any thick syrup collect on the bottom of the pot.

Allow it to boil for 2 to 5 minutes, or until the desired thickness is achieved.


I may have let mine go a little further than the original recipe’s author intended-no complaints here, though. I ended up with a thick, fudge-y sauce that I prefer to the thin, lifeless stuff in the brown plastic bottle. Transfer the mixture to a bowl and allow it to cool at room temperature; store, covered, in the refrigerator. Makes about 2 cups.

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